viernes, 8 de junio de 2007

Explicaciones tras el no apocalipsis

Bueno tras dejar cundir el pánico ante la noticia del apocalipsis venidero para que luego el apocalipsis no se realizará como creías (bueno, sencillamente, no se realizó de ninguna forma), desde la dirección de esta religión, pensamos que necesitáis alguna explicación.

- La movida del apocalipsis y eso de que debía de ocurrir, era sólo un simulacro para el verdadero. Debido a que no os dijimos cómo actuar (creíamos que érais lo suficientemente listos como para que supiérais qué hacer en estos casos, nos equivocamos; para otra ocasión no sobrevaloraremos la inteligencia de nuestros creyentes), ahora os daremos las directrices que hay que seguir para sobrevivir, o no morir de una forma patética, cuando el apocalipsis real suceda.




Forma por la cual se llevará a cabo el apocalipsis:



Vale, bien, la forma por la cual se llevará a cabo el apocalipsis será la siguiente: Se oirá un gran trueno que retumbará la tierra (como deberíais de saber, los truenos solo son las ventosidades del dios Ángelus tras comer alubias). Uvajedos montados en carros de fuego bajarán a la Tierra tirando rayos que matarán a todos los gallos. De las alcantarillas saldrán los cocodrilitos que una vez fueron abandonados por sus dueños y tirados al desagüe cuando empezaban a convertirse en genuinos caimanes americanos. La empresa Kentucky Fried Chicken nos hará el favor de cocinar el resto de pollos en el planete y subirlos al cielo uvajedo para alimentarnos de pollos durante toda la eternidad. Los uvajedos que se salven serán transportados en un tren alemán lleno de camioneros que estarán dispuestos a hacerles tractos anales a todos los uvajedos para asegurar su felicidad uvajeda.


De esta manera, el apocalipsis tiene estos dos fines:

-Asegurar la extinción de todos los pollos, gallinas y gallos de la Tierra.

-Lleva a los uvajedos de corazón al cielo uvajedo, donde podrán jugar al teto y a otros juegos de caracter infantil.

De momento no hay fecha concreta par este hecho.

Formas de salvarse:

A continuación incluimos diversas maneras de sobrevivir al holocausto:


-Absténte totalmente si eres mujer. Las mujeres no merecen la pena ser salvadas. No es que seamos machistas, lo que pasa es que pensamos que la mujer está por debajo del hombre.

- Si eres pollo y te llamas Colombo, estás automaticamente salvado. Resto de pollos, excluidos.

- Tírate desde un edificio de diez plantas cantando el himno uvajedo. Te salvarás.

- Intenta chuparte el codo. Si lo consigues, serás salvado.

- Haz una matanza de pollos. Aquí tienes una idea.

- Hazle un trabajito (ya me entendéis) a Ángelus.

- No admitimos sapos californianos ni bielorrusos.

- Tampoco curas cristianos. Ni ratas de agua (son lo mismo, pero por si acaso).

- Y si no cumples ninguno de estos requisistos y te quieres salvar, prueba a dejar un comentario en esta entrada.

27 comentarios:

Anónimo dijo...

Hola soy Sara Martinez de 33 años de Alicante soy una Uvajeda creyente desde q me enteré de la página.
Como tengo una empresa de Magdalenas querria saber si dandoselas a los Uvajedos podría salvarme.
Gracias. Arriba Angelus
si no probare con lo del trabajito

Anónimo dijo...

A pesar de ser mujer, te vamos a permitir salvarte, siempre y cuando aparte de entregarnos todas tus magdalenas le haces un trabajito al gran Dios y nos permites explotarte hasta el fin de los días porque recuerda:

Ángelus es un gran Dios que salva a sus creyentes sin pedir nada a cambio.

Anónimo dijo...

Hola, soy tu en informatica. Yo tambien quiero salvarme, joder.

Fdo Papablo en informatica

Anónimo dijo...

Bonjorno, uvajedreligion.blogspot.com!
[url=http://cialistagh.pun.pl/ ]Vendita cialis in Italia[/url] [url=http://viagraenat.pun.pl/ ]Vendita viagra in Italia[/url] [url=http://cialisdkee.pun.pl/ ]Compra cialis in Italia[/url] [url=http://viagraycla.pun.pl/ ]Acquistare viagra in Italia[/url] [url=http://cialisonya.pun.pl/ ]Vendita cialis in Italia[/url] [url=http://viagrareta.pun.pl/ ]Vendita viagra online[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

advantages and disadvantages of tl dating [url=http://loveepicentre.com/]dating advice[/url] problems with carbon dating http://loveepicentre.com/ personals ads for women

Anónimo dijo...

quit smoking by laser [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/terramycin.htm]terramycin[/url] centre for addiction and mental health http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/maxaman.htm problems related to stress http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/dilantin.htm
cialis online sales [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/vitamin-c.htm]vitamin c[/url] affordable medicine [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/la-salute-delle-donne.htm]medical marketing services[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

londons times funny medicine cartoons bipolar bear trivets [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/disfuncion-erectil.htm]disfuncion erectil[/url] plaque in heart birthcontrol http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/propranolol.htm dental advertising services http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/viagra-professional.htm
trinity blood broken wings [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/chloramphenicol.htm]chloramphenicol[/url] rohypnol pharmacy [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/evecare.htm]tecnology enhancement[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

http://rxmeds.in/allopurinol/allopurinol-gout
[url=http://rxmeds.in/ibuprofen/ibuprofen-formula]acetyldihydrocodeine drug picks[/url] drug detection time hydromorphone hydrochloride [url=http://rxmeds.in/actonel/osteoporosis-evista-actonel]osteoporosis evista actonel[/url]
drug emporiumn http://rxmeds.in/cyproheptadine/cyproheptadine-for-felines
[url=http://rxmeds.in/altace]drug interdiction in communities[/url] aveva drug delivery systems [url=http://rxmeds.in/prednisone/prednisone-hip-joint-pain]prednisone hip joint pain[/url]
lesson plan in drugs http://rxmeds.in/aciphex/aciphex-pravachol-internet-pharmacy
[url=http://rxmeds.in/depakote/difference-between-depakote-er-and-depakote-dr]viagra levitra cialis apcalis regalis zenegra[/url] cialis sale usa [url=http://rxmeds.in/actos/actos-30-mg-side-effects]actos 30 mg side effects[/url] sacramento court referral for treatment of juvenile drug [url=http://rxmeds.in/aceon/accupril-generic]accupril generic[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

mental health facilities in new jersey [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/aristocort.htm]aristocort[/url] i heart eden http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/chloramphenicol.htm bobs diabetic supplies http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/anti-depressant-anti-anxiety.htm
stark pharmacy [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/casodex.htm]casodex[/url] generic prices online cialis [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/zantac.htm]the fragile cliche of my broken heart[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

http://www.bonerama.net/wwwboard/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=111251 http://lgdom.co.kr/bbs//view.php?id=board&page=1&page_num=20&select_arrange=headnum&desc=&sn=off&ss=on&sc=on&keyword=&no=2658&category= http://www.4aaf.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=3031 http://www.invi-card.com/cgi-bin/cs/main.cgi?board=insa&command=guest_email&textnum=1011755238
http://thekoisource.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=536314#536314 http://www.dlicenter.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=47033 http://queensspyshop.com/super_spy_network/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=182523 http://www.giantminds.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=74162
http://fitzysite.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=7166#7166 http://www.blogcountry.net/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=134274 http://mysecretloveaffair.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=50515

Anónimo dijo...

http://online-health.in/baclofen/baclofen-gravis
[url=http://online-health.in/atarax/vistarill-atarax]allyour drugs[/url] viagra kamagra cialis [url=http://online-health.in/bentyl/side-effects-of-bentyl-in-dogs]side effects of bentyl in dogs[/url]
levitra prescription online http://online-health.in/benazepril/benazepril-20mg-tab-ethex
[url=http://online-health.in/astelin/astelin-nasalspray-how-to-use]christian hippies no drugs just hugs[/url] vitamin c interaction with statin drugs [url=http://online-health.in/astelin/astelin-resolution-symptom]astelin resolution symptom[/url]
ecquaril drug http://online-health.in/avapro/avapro-medicine
[url=http://online-health.in/ashwagandha/ashwagandha-monogaphs]order cialis now[/url] fish oil for erectile dysfunction [url=http://online-health.in/bactroban/bactroban-nasal-o]bactroban nasal o[/url] softtabs drugstores [url=http://online-health.in/asthma/medical-treatments-for-asthma]medical treatments for asthma[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

http://poow.in/levothroid/low-dose-levothroid-at-2-mics
[url=http://poow.in/mefenamic/adverse-effects-of-mefenamic-acid]cialis link online ipfixe com[/url] celexa drug [url=http://poow.in/glaucoma/aspirin-can-reduce-swelling-canine-glaucoma]aspirin can reduce swelling canine glaucoma[/url]
district of columbia health insurance http://poow.in/mercaptopurine/mercaptopurine-accumulation
[url=http://poow.in/levofloxacin/hcpcs-code-for-levofloxacin]drugstore[/url] drug disavantage lasix [url=http://poow.in/kidneys/risks-of-donating-kidneys]risks of donating kidneys[/url]
teenage drug victim stories http://poow.in/lamictal/lamictal-users-group
[url=http://poow.in/mestinon/how-long-does-it-take-mestinon-to-work]edinburgh news viagra search comment[/url] thrombopiefin drug [url=http://poow.in/ribavirin/interferon-ribavirin-side-effects]interferon ribavirin side effects[/url] difficulties in synthesizing antiviral drugs [url=http://poow.in/letrozole/letrozole-hair]letrozole hair[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

furniture designer williams evans http://topcitystyle.com/?action=products&product_id=2095 lcd designer [url=http://topcitystyle.com/?action=products&product_id=1931]manchester designer outlets[/url] vans shoes on sale
http://topcitystyle.com/men-page82.html chic career clothes [url=http://topcitystyle.com/zessy-on-sale-brand22.html]cute boy toddler clothes[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

open jaw travel http://adventurecollection.in/disneyland/disneyland-charcter-breakfast-reivews malawi to zambia travel by air
[url=http://adventurecollection.in/car-rental/jackson-hole-car-rental]educator travel grants[/url] countries of electronic travel authority [url=http://adventurecollection.in/car-rental/ford-car-rental]ford car rental[/url]
greenville sc veterinarians with travel mobiles http://adventurecollection.in/adventure/costa-rica-extreme-adventure
[url=http://adventurecollection.in/expedia/expedia-sean-shannon]mounting generators to travel trailers[/url] alliance travel san francisco [url=http://adventurecollection.in/cruises/cruises-around-hawaiain-islands]cruises around hawaiain islands[/url]
travel to dominican republic http://adventurecollection.in/tourism/human-population-affect-wildlife-money-sell-buy-tourism polish travel to dubai [url=http://adventurecollection.in/tours/last-supper-tours-milan-italy]last supper tours milan italy[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

cheyenne tozzi porn http://theporncollection.in/hentai-porn/hentai-my-name-is-fujiko
[url=http://theporncollection.in/hentai-porn/amy-hentai]two amateur girls in tub mecico[/url] indian virgin porn [url=http://theporncollection.in/sex-mature/mature-german-jugs]mature german jugs[/url]
free homemade adult porn movies http://theporncollection.in/mature-woman/anna-lisa-mature
[url=http://theporncollection.in/sex-mature/juggs-mature-naturals]anal sluts tgp[/url] caroline trentini sexy topless sexy pics free [url=http://theporncollection.in/gay-male/gay-white-fucking-asian-boys]gay white fucking asian boys[/url]
f zero hentai http://theporncollection.in/mature-woman/mature-woman-love-black-cock
[url=http://theporncollection.in/lubricant/lubricant-lead]adult living in las vegas[/url] k y lubricant [url=http://theporncollection.in/lesbian-video/lesbian-sex-kissing]lesbian sex kissing[/url]
swap sexy text http://theporncollection.in/orgy/pussy-orgy
[url=http://theporncollection.in/gay-male/free-amateur-homemade-gay-porn]active adult retirement communities va and md[/url] web published adult fiction [url=http://theporncollection.in/porn-girl/loz-porn-xxx]loz porn xxx[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

gay dildo use advice http://xwe.in/thongs/topless-heels-thongs-stockings
[url=http://xwe.in/orgy/big-gay-cock-orgy-galleries]amateur squirter[/url] porn film set [url=http://xwe.in/shemales/glamor-shemales]glamor shemales[/url]
kaskum porn videos http://xwe.in/archive-adult/adult-baby-galleries
[url=http://xwe.in/orgy/asian-sex-orgy]dog cock dildo[/url] films of boys smoking cigerettes porn [url=http://xwe.in/ass-video/misty-may-treanor-ass]misty may treanor ass[/url]
sexy women fuck http://xwe.in/condom/permeability-of-condoms
[url=http://xwe.in/ass-video/ass-pic-butt]free japanese porn films[/url] mega dildo [url=http://xwe.in/shemale/shemale-henti]shemale henti[/url]
plus sexy http://xwe.in/adult-xxx/adult-masturbate
[url=http://xwe.in/erotic-gay/free-erotic-coupons]adult pocket pc[/url] online free adult movie [url=http://xwe.in/erotic-gay/free-erotic-coupons]free erotic coupons[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

solo travel deals http://xwg.in/tourism/tourism-internships-within-canada-for-canadians hawaii travel rental
[url=http://xwg.in/airline/southeastern-airline]pocket pc travel software itinerary[/url] a moments notice travel deals [url=http://xwg.in/plane-tickets/plane-tickets-from-ghana-to-dia]plane tickets from ghana to dia[/url]
travel tourism new york state adventure http://xwg.in/disneyland/disneyland-california-and-things-to-do
[url=http://xwg.in/cruises/cruises-from-baltimore]mosaik travel insurance[/url] youth travel basketball mission statements [url=http://xwg.in/car-rental/car-rental-in-monterey-california]car rental in monterey california[/url]
travel pod casts florida http://xwg.in/hotel/apollo-bay-hotel walt disney world travel agent [url=http://xwg.in/tourism/san-marcos-tourism]san marcos tourism[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

stuart weitzman shoes http://www.thefashionhouse.us/xxxl-versace-size52.html shoes for crews [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/grey-white-black-dress-shirts-color110.html]ben travis lighting designer[/url] bcbg shoes
http://www.thefashionhouse.us/dolce-amp-gabbana-rocky-sport-pants-for-men-grey-item2134.html list of interior designers [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/gucci-men-s-long-sleeve-fitted-tom-grey-item1255.html]fashion bug[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

zantac coupons [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/serophene.htm]serophene[/url] syndrome diarrhea http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/schlafen-hilfe.htm
oolong tea reviews [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/ceftin.htm]ceftin[/url] smoke bomb rocket [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/symmetrel.htm ]there will be blood rotten tomatoes [/url] medicare advantage plan participating health clubs illinois
what is the most abundant type of muscle in the body [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/micardis.htm]micardis[/url] first degree heart block http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/hydrea.htm
vegetable juice for health [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/levothroid.htm]levothroid[/url] drug bust motel sulphur springs tx [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/n.htm ]anaerobic bacteria life processes [/url] drug arrests in north side of minneapolis

Anónimo dijo...

jodan basketball shoes http://luxefashion.us/l-men-size7.html fake chanel purse [url=http://luxefashion.us/accessories-roberto-cavalli-type5.html]all star shoes[/url] das kleinste haus in wien
http://luxefashion.us/polo-ralph-lauren-women-s-tops-brand14.html calvin klein jewel [url=http://luxefashion.us/gucci-dress-for-women-sport-and-clubbing--item1339.html]girls in tight clothes pictures[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

fashion knitting http://www.thefashionhouse.us/frankie-morello-t-shirts-for-men-brand19.html touch ups shoes [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/dark-denim-blue-classic-denim-color165.html]designer pet carrier[/url] magnetic designer planner real estate
http://www.thefashionhouse.us/?action=products&product_id=1881 jessica simpson shoes [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/dark-grey-sweaters-color16.html]fashiongames[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

segregation of interstate travel http://xwl.in/travel/development-of-the-travel holiday market travel
[url=http://xwl.in/disneyland/hotels-and-across-from-disneyland]travel channel trinidad[/url] travel zoo guest suites times square [url=http://xwl.in/airlines/american-airlines-flight-status]american airlines flight status[/url]
town travel in acworth http://xwl.in/airlines/united-airlines-reservations
[url=http://xwl.in/lufthansa/british-airways-plane-crash-heathrow-video]us state department travel advisory[/url] travel western australia [url=http://xwl.in/inn/huntingdon-days-inn-raystown-lake-pa]huntingdon days inn raystown lake pa[/url]
primelink travel insurance http://xwl.in/airline/carbon-effect-airline-industry child custody travel [url=http://xwl.in/tour/us-muse-tour]us muse tour[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

ca lottery results http://xwn.in/poker-online_card-games-poker casino gaming facilities electrical design
[url=http://xwn.in/betting_betting-juice]mera naam joker watch online[/url] herbrews shall be betting with a stick [url=http://xwn.in/betting_canada-sports-betting]canada sports betting[/url]
hollywood casino aurora reviews http://xwn.in/roulette_game-bonus-roulette-gambling
[url=http://xwn.in/online-casino_ip-casino]bingo the dog[/url] bonanza bingo [url=http://xwn.in/roulette_play-internet-casino-roulette]play internet casino roulette[/url]
ct official lottery http://xwn.in/casino-playing-cards_carbon-fiber-playing-cards lottery music music [url=http://xwn.in/jackpot_bartons-93-hotel-and-casino-jackpot-nevada]bartons 93 hotel and casino jackpot nevada[/url]

Anónimo dijo...

fantastic four movie in dublin [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_love_the_beast/]love the beast[/url] superman movie characters http://moviestrawberry.com/hqmoviesbyyear/year_2001_high-quality-movies/?page=6 free win xp movie themes downloads
rare antique movie scene pictures [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_pledge/]the pledge[/url] windows movie maker mpg http://moviestrawberry.com/countries/?page=57 halloween movie rob zombie
free pee movie [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_foreign_correspondent/]foreign correspondent[/url] big spender horse movie
inkheart movie [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_bratz/]bratz[/url] detroit area movie theaters http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_american_psycho_ii_all_american_girl/ textured framed movie posters
crazy movie quotes [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_conversation/]the conversation[/url] new jersey movie listings http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_digital_man/ meatballs movie soundtrack

Anónimo dijo...

movie review for driven [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_my_boy_jack/]my boy jack[/url] gay boy free movie http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_bait/ drive in movie mo
the movie dreamland [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_war_bride/]the war bride[/url] itsy bitsy spider song from movie http://moviestrawberry.com/hqmoviesbyyear/year_1982_high-quality-movies/?page=2 compress entire movie ipod free
stepmania backround movie [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_home_on_the_range/]home on the range[/url] movie the party peter sellers car
movie clips dirty sex [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_scooby_doo_pirates_ahoy/]scooby doo pirates ahoy[/url] scorched movie http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_dark_matter/ tron movie
teenage mutant ninja turtles movie [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_gracie_s_choice/]gracie s choice[/url] free full movie skyscraper http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_my_left_foot_the_story_of_christy_brown/ movie showtimes asheville

Anónimo dijo...

movie slip ups [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_human_nature/]human nature[/url] the movie taboo http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_steam_experiment/ free anime movie
divx download movie where [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_scrooged/]scrooged[/url] bisex movie post http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_a_foreign_affair/ movie foreign blue nazi jew post war relatinship
where to fine the alice in wonderland original movie [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_hollywood_north/]hollywood north[/url] movie clock tower jorge olguin
free inukami the movie [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_opposite_of_sex/]the opposite of sex[/url] making money movie time top http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_cowboy_killer/ tyler perry movie why did i get
movie times manitowoc [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_country_bears/]the country bears[/url] watch the movie prime for free http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_wild_man_of_the_navidad/ evenings movie

Anónimo dijo...

Have you ever considered writing an ebook or guest authoring on other websites?
I have a blog based on the same ideas you discuss and
would love to have you share some stories/information.
I know my audience would appreciate your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e-mail.
Here is my web page ; Kjøpe hus i Bodrum